twentysomething boys missing the window

Twentysomething boys confuse and allude me to no end, and I know I am not alone in this statement. I and my four closest girl friends have had many strange experiences involving them throughout our lives, and continue to be bewildered daily. Let me share some examples of typical behavior. I will try to keep each story as succinct as I can.

a) Irrational Decision Making: My one friend had been going out with the same boy for 5 years when they mutually decided that they had grown apart and should not continue their relationship, though they should still remain friends. A month later, during a telephone call to ask a question, the boy announced that he did have something he needed to tell her. He was getting married. And he did get married, roughly 2 months after they broke up. To a Romanian. I'm glad the Romanian isn't me, she thought. Chalk one up to irrational decision making. After he got married he tried to call my friend every day, multiple times a day, for one month, after which she did not hear from him until he left a horrible message saying that she was a horrible friend and he didn't know if he ever loved her. Perhaps a panic attack about his decision.

b) Too Busy: Another nameless friend had been going out with a great guy who was in grad school, quite intelligent, gentlemanly, and everything seemed to be going smoothly. Then about a week ago he called her while he was at his parents' to say that he doesn't have time in school for a relationship, but that they might be better for each other in a few years when he can treat her right. But he can't know that she will still be around and available in a few years. Now, I do think this is honorable, not dragging my friend through his stressful times, but at the same time, should you ever give someone up who you love and could see a future with? I'd like to think not, but then again, I'm a very romantic girl.

c) Commitment: This is a big one that many girls have been through, usually as a result of the guy having been screwed over by a girl or multiple girls in his past. One of my friends had a great month with a guy, fun times and good attraction, when all of a sudden he didn't call her for weeks and when he finally did, he said that he wasn't ready for commitment. Another friend was told by a guy she was madly in love with that he couldn't really go out/commit to her until he was ready to marry her, because going out with her would
amount to becoming engaged in his mind. He loved her very much, but was not ready for that. Well, I'm not ready to be engaged either, I'm 21, was her thought.

It seems that most men do not realize that women have windows of opportunity. They all vary in lengths, but when it comes to a relationship between a woman and a man, the woman knows (perhaps unconsciously) in her mind how long she can wait for the man to get the balls to make a move, either to begin a relationship or to propose. David once told me a story about a woman and a man who had been together for many years, but were still unmarried. One day they were walking together when the man turned to her and proposed. The woman looked at him and yelled "Too late!"

I believe that every man can learn from that. And I hope that late-twentysomething boys and thirtysomething men have a better idea of what it is that they want.




*all friends remain nameless in this posting to respect their stories